A personal look into my life - and how this scene may change

Well, how's that for a cryptic-ish sounding title to get you to come over to my site and read this article?  Well done me.  But in all honesty, this is a serious post.  And the title was not misleading.

First, let me admit that I am a sports addict.  And not in that "I have a disease" kind of way either.  I just love sports.  I love my teams and my favorite players.  And I love knowing the numbers.  I love knowing the numbers better than the next person.  Yeah, I'm that guy.  Talk to me at a bar for five minutes and you'd know that I'm there just as much for the HD TV coverage of a big game as I am for a beer.

When I come home from work I check the numbers that I missed when I wasn't home.  I check wins and losses, scores, ERA's, FG%, yellow cards and the whole nine yards.  And I guess I'm a lucky guy that I have a wife and kids that are just happy they have a husband and father who's always home with them - even if that means that I'm clapping or pouting depending on how the game is going.  But they get into it too.  My youngest daughther can recognize and say "Batum", but she can't yet say "glasses".  My oldest daughter (and I didn't teach her this) chants 'no no no no' when an opposing player is at the free throw line.  We're just that household.  It works for us.

And at the center of my little sports universe is my computer.  It is the 'Holder of Great Numbers' if you will.  And above my computer, you will find the true essence of my fandom - and this is where the title of the post comes in.  I took a picture so that you might see what I'm talking about.

First off, the most obvious if you read this site, is the Nicolas Batum autographed photo.  It was one of the first things I bought of him before he became as well known as he is now.  It's one of my favorite sports things that I own.

Secondly, on the other side, is an autographed Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca, of course) photograph.  My younger brother sent that to me for my birthday.  It's my ode to my nerdiness.  And it doesn't get much cooler than Chewie.

And on the bottom is my daughter's school project that she made for me in kindergarter or 1st grade.  It's a whole little book dedicated to me being the best dad ever.  Of all the crazy stuff that schools make our kids do, this is probably the only thing that didn't get moved to the circular file.  And since schools are too poor to change curriculums anymore - I'm looking forward to getting two more of these from my younger daughters someday.

But my post really is about what's at the top of the photo.  This picture here:

I bought this off ebay the year after they won Super Bowl XL.  It's not autographed or anything.  Just a plain photo that some industrious bastard printed on his mother's photo printer and hawked on ebay.

For me growing up, Jerome Bettis was the man.  He was the big guy who got to run the ball.  And coming from a line of big guys, that was pretty cool.  And then this kid Roethlisberger comes in and turns the scene upside down in Pittsburgh.

I was a Steelers fan longer than I was a fan of anything else.  And to watch them win that first Super Bowl in my lifetime deserved at least a picture to commemorate the event.

But as I've said before, I've started to fall out of love with football.  And coming from Montana where football is the only real game in town, that's surprising to some people.  What can I say?  My horizons have been broadened.

Living in Portland has got me into BlazerMania with the best of them.  And living in the Mariners market has finally got me watching all of their games and really pulling for this collection of guys they've assembled to succeed.  And discovering the English Premier League (soccer) has blown my mind as to what a sports league is supposed to look like.  And so where did that leave football?

It left it on the outside looking in as far as my life was concerned.  I still watched when I could.  Still talked to the family about the team and the games coming up.  But my passion had shifted.  At first I felt like I was betraying my father and my brothers.  But I'm a grown man, and I know that even when I 'casually' watch a sport, I still know more stats than the average fan.  But my heart wasn't in it like before.

And now, today, it seems like a combination of Big Ben, Roger Goodell and the league are putting the final nail in the coffin of my NFL viewship.

I waited with everybody else to see if the Big Ben scandal was going to go the way of the Michael Vick saga.  I wondered if Big Ben would be getting a ticket to the Big House.  I waited while I watched the legacy that the Steelers had built this last decade was on the point of collapse.  And then...nothing.  No charges.  No judges or more lawyers.  No jail time.  Nothing at all.  We can all go home now.

But I guess that wasn't what Goodell had in mind.  Even though 'higher authorities' had found Ben innocent - Goodell hadn't.  So ESPN got 'sources' to finally reveal that Big Ben is getting suspended for four to six games.  And not only that, the Steelers are shopping Ben for a first round draft pick.  Whatever.

There is a 'right and wrong' button in each and every one of us.  And mine is going haywire right now.  Because one of my favorite players - though he's coming off poorly here - is being suspended for being...what, exactly?  He's innocent by the law of the land - but not by the law of the NFL.  Is that a fair assessment? 

And yet, my other side of me is telling me that Ben just isn't going to 'figure this whole thing out' until he hits rock bottom.  The motorcycle crash, the Vegas incident and now this - do show at least a pattern of behavior that he's putting himself in bad situations all the time.  And I ask myself, "is Ben Roethlisberger the kind of guy I'd want around my daughters?"  And the answer is no.  Should I have a guy like Big Ben hanging over my daughter's 'Best Dad Ever' project?  No, probably not.

But what the hell does it matter what I think?  The authorities in Georgia and Nevada have told the public that the man is innocent.  He's free to walk the streets with the rest of us.  But THE Authority in the NFL tells us that he's unfit to perform his job functions.  His innocence is not enough to let him lead a team, throw a pass or recieve concussions for the sake of the greater profit. 

The NFL has been the king of the sports world too long.  And now I'm going to just have to turn my back and walk away from it.  I'll have the memories of my father and brother and I talking about Neil O'Donnel throwing the Super Bowl against the Cowboys.  I'll have the memories of opening that present of a Ben Roethlisberger jersey and being so grateful that I had it.  And I'll have the memory of calling my dad from Oregon when I saw the Steelers put away the Seahawks in Super Bowl XL. 

I know now that turning away from the NFL isn't turning away from the memories.

When my brother and I talk sports, we'll talk about the NBA.  When my father and I discuss a game, it'll most likely be about the Dodgers or the Mariners.  And when we talk about the Steelers and the NFL...we'll talk about what used to be.